for people’s daily life变为for people’s daily lives(因为people当单数讲是民族,复数讲才表示人);and satellite, also在also前最好断句,我认为用介词短语in addition;computer has became an integral应该改为computers have;My dreamed career is to enter a famous game company改成My ambition is to enter a famous game company更加的好;That is the reason why I am keen on to improving my knowledge变为That is the reason why I am keen on improving my knowledge;
希望对你有帮助