1.there is an increasing number of people who hold the opinion that,with the development of globalization
的is 应该是are
2.people will much more stressful than in the past.work pressure,life prussure,study prussure which more and more people since stressful became depress.
应该是pressure.拼写错误 ;后一句改成people are much more stressful than they were in the past
这句话语意不明反正逻辑有问题
3.they will be upset to face.
4.1段最后应该加一句how should we face these pressure?
5.we ought to adjust.
6.We are always optimistic
7.have too high requirement for ...后边的那个require也改
8.people seek for substance too high
9.become money's alave.
10.So they have got a lot of pressure of money and they live under stress
11.spending spare time and enjoy it is also important .
12.travelling, doing soprt,holding parties.
13 a lot of methods
14.Our should spend a little time in smelling the flowers
on his way to his company.
15.You have to understand that... ar relaxing is as good as working.
16.spend some time approaching nature, we can work better.
17.enjoying life and having optimistic...
18...be happy
建议你多学习语法,拿不准的句子查语法书.（尤其是时态,单复数,分词,句法）
单词拼写的错误不知是否是自己粗心
逻辑一定要加强.感觉你的中文逻辑就很有问题,带到英文了.比如那个last but not least.这个后面的东西你没有“加强”的逻辑,而这个词组后边是需要加强的
对了nowadays 不是nowdays；one should不是our should
说钱奴的事情好象和文章不太相关（可以放开头）
这文章放TOEFL里也就1-2分.
你要加油.