You may consider my version
Your visa application has been accepted and dated as 16th of May.I have asked Jacky to grant your visa in advance and we will try to have it processed before 12th of May.Is this OK for you?
前面写的书面语很好,但是最后一句Is this OK for your就不太正式,可以考虑
Can you confirm with us whether this is a preferred option for you.