个人意见,仅供参考.
This work is about the struggle between man and nature on a tragedy. Each victory in the elderly have paid a heavy price（in each victory, elderly have paid a heavy price应该是“老人”做主语,而不是“胜利”) , and the last （one,更好一些用struggle) was a huge failure. However, from another(on the other side), he is a winner. Because he does not succumb to fate, no matter how difficult(hard) the environment (is), he has by(?,何意,去掉吧） his own courage, perseverance and wisdom had fought the （had fought the改成which made him,变成从句,否则不通) fight. Although there is no big marlin to keep, but(跟although重复了,去掉） he defended the dignity of the human soul, he is a loser win（lossing winer可能更合适）, a failed hero. Such a strong image, is typical of Hemingway to write fictional. Article, the image of San Diego is a concrete manifestation of this character and improved. Novel of the sea and the sharks and people against a symbol of social and natural forces, with whom the elderly in the fight, the performance of unparalleled strength and courage, without loss of human dignity, the elderly glorious defeat, mental has not been defeated.
后面一段有些乱,不知从何下手改.你把原文贴出来看看.