首先,我是对托福有点了解,雅思的情况不清楚,托福上也不算大牛.我根据托福的要求在前两段做了点修改.说实话,你的逻辑不够完善,总起段已经从individual的角度去说,这个……根据雅思的要求你看下,反正前后有点问题.另外就是你的语法相对欠缺,这个可能是阻碍你拿高分的最大障碍.我的修改仅仅针对语法,不涉及词句和意思,一方面是我不敢根据托福要求乱改,另一方面我的目的是希望你注意并在今后加强表达的严谨.
Never have changes of our society and individuals been so numerous as they are today.In terms of individuals,the number of people who alter their occupations and places of recidence constantly is growing,since people have been increasingly owning thoughts and looking forward to gaining development or promotion.In this situation are both advantages and disadvantages.
Changing career and residence has several benefits for individuals,companies and our society.There is no denying the fact that a number of people are not satisfied with their current jobs or residence.As a result,applying for a new job or moving to another more suitable place is an effetive way to obtain opportunities of advancement and even more positive career prospects.Futhermore,it enables individuals to expand their outlook,enrich their experience and know more about diverse cultures,which arms people with stronger core competition.Additionally,the fact that people change their jobs means that compaines need new employees who would bring about fresh blood,creativity and advanced thoughts to replace previous staff.The company would benefit from the communication with talented persons from different enterprises in many aspects,such as the improvement of company culture,the collection of infomation about competitors and more sophisticated technology.Besides,our souciety would be more active due to these changes.If individuals never made any change,it would be hard to imagine what our society will be like.
一些表达不妥当的地方请自行斟酌……