guy和as for 是比较口语化的，不要出现在雅思写作中
文章主题段主题句和论证有问题，你的第一句是 Staying the same may pose a threat to us.你想想你的论证有没有证明这一点。主题段的句间衔接不明显，traditional rules wouldalways keep the same, which is boring and negative to us. Life without changesjust likes the birds without wings. Everything keeps the same track, and we cannotmake any breakthrough and even modify some things that are incorrect. 这几句是怎么连接起来的呢？雅思写作很注重句间逻辑关系，和中文写作不一样。还有，你的最后一句a pond of dead water你觉得老外能看懂吗