首先是DAYS应该是.其次用AT HOME表示在家中间不要加限定词.我不能看到我妈妈因此我很难过.你用的EVEN,这是甚至的意思.但是我还是不能看到她,这有个转折的意味.下面几个排比句中,既然你第一个是YOUNG在前面,也就是说好的在前面,后面两个都应该用这个排列保持一致.后面我英语不好,外国人都不这样讲,他们什么不好都说“ IM WORKING ON IT”.最后一句话也有点毛病.
全文改正如下：
I feel very very very happy these days.
Because I am at home.
I can see my mother every day and night.When I at univercity I can't see her and thus I feel so sick.Sometimes I think if I can't see her right now ,I will die.But I still can't see her .I'm really a typical homegirl ,my mother and my family brimming my heart all the time,no matter I am young or old,rich or poor,healthy or sick ,at home or at abroad .
hehe im working on my english ,so goodbye today's happy ending .
不过感觉你文章中,特别是写你想你妈妈那几句有点拖沓,你可以自己精简一下.