although there had a little interlude 应该是although there was a little interlude.
When I was a student in primary school 改成when I was a primary school student 会比较简洁,但也没错啦像你那样.
I was very afraid that father and mother will blame me应是I was afraid that my parents would blame me 要用would哇,very省略最好.
clarified my low result was just because of my carelessly clarified是什么?because of my carelessness才对.
Later ,my mother told me the result not mean all,draw lessons from it was more important这句应该有问题,至少我看不懂……可以改成my mother told me that we needn't care too much about the result,what we care more should be the life itself.
差不多了,估计你的同学们也找不出更多的错误了,good luck to you!