If the author is a layman, I would say it's totally acceptable given he is a non-native English speaker in China/Hong Kong.
However, if he/she is a fellow lawyer/law degree holder, with a BA in English...it needs to be better.
I am not perfect myself, but I would instead translate as follow:
As graduation was coming up soon, I had been attending numerous job fairs and interviews. Although it yielded some results, I was gradually losing my courage. In such a year marked by high umemployment rates, as a BA holder graduating from a promising department of a good university I still found it hard to land on an opportunity to do legal work.
When I found out that I was short of 3 marks to pass the Bar Licensing Examination with A-class (or with distinction), I knew that would certainly undermine my chance of becoming a legal assistant in a law firm. I asked myself, would I be willing to relinquish myself to a life of an over-worked executive, exhausted by the daily chores of servicing and supporting others? If my answer was yes, then I wondered what was the purpose of me getting a law degree when I already held a BA in English, or why spending nearly 4 months to prepare for the Bar Exam. At the end, I decided to apply to Hong Kong X University for further studies in Jurisprudence, and have no regret in my life.