I'm writing to request to be the the host family for the British student who will pay a 【visit】 our school.Firstly,my house is large enough to serve another 【people】.Meanwhile,my father will drive 【private car】 to take him anywhere he likes,That is to say,not only I but also my father 【are】 ready for his coming.Secondly,I can speak English 【fluent】 and I am eager to communicate with 【forigners】,【that】 ia a good way to improve my English.Finally,last year I stayed with a British student for a week.So precious is the memory to us all that we have kept writing to each other since then.I will appreciate 【this】 if you could give me the chance.
I`m looking forward to 【receive】 your early reply.Please write to me 【when convenient】.
1.visit 后面加to 【pay a visit to sb./sth.访问某人/某物,固定搭配】
2.people 改为 person 【people是“人们”（集体名词）,person是“人”（可数名词单数）】
3.private car 前面加 a 【car是可数名词单数,需要a】
4.are 改为is 【not only...but also...结构作主语,谓语动词的变化遵循“就近原则”】
5.fluent 改为 fluently 【speak是动词,需要副词fluently才可以修饰它】
6.forigners 改为foreigners 【拼写错误】
7.that 改为which 【非限定性定语从句的关系代词,指物的用which,不用that】
8.this 改为 it 【I will appreciate it if you do ...是固定句型】
9.receive 删除 【look forward to中to是介词,所以后面需要名词,receive是多余的】
10.when convenient 改为 at your convenience 或者 when之后加it is