also can改成can also,also放在助动词后面.
不能在boy后单用manchu表示你是满族人,可改成Manchu boy或boy of the Manchu nationality.
I’m a sixteen-year-old boy Manchu.I’m from No.16 Middle School in huangshi.这两句可以合并,改成I’m a sixteen-year-old Manchu boy from the No.16 Middle School in Huangshi.
这个of course用得无厘头,你前文里没有显示出of course的理由,让人无法理解.可以去掉,改成and I like eating too.另外个人认为,好吃这个特点其实没有必要放在自我介绍里.
这里的when从句感觉上不太地道,其实现在就是高中刚刚开始,可以改成at the beginning of my senior high school life,I would like to exclaim(你愿意用say也行）.
Good start 没有冠词,最好改成A good start is half the success.
believe改成believe in,believe多就一个特定场合而言.
beautiful future前面最好改成一个a,因为这个美丽未来是未定的,并没有理由用the.
仅供参考,希望有用.