Marriage is a home,a refuge against the outside storms.And like any house,it requires a strong,lasting foundation.To build one,every couple needs to take certain steps — seven,to be precise — that turn thetwo of you into not just you and me but we.You may notmove through all the steps in order,and you may circle back to completecertain steps again (and again and again).But if you make it through them all,you'll be well on your way toward creating a marriage that will be your shelteras long as you both shall live.
1.Keep your mind on your main goal,which is to have a happy marriage.Say and do what will enable you and your spouse to have a happy marriage.Avoidthe opposite.Everything else is commentary.
2.Keep asking yourselves,What can we do to have ahappy,loving atmosphere in our home?
3.Focus on giving,rather than taking.Say and doas many things as possible to meet your spouses needs.
4.Keep doing and saying things that will give yourspouse a sense of importance.
5.Frequently ask yourself,What positive things canI say and do to put my (husband or wife) in a positive emotional state?
6.Before speaking,clarify the outcome you want.The meaning of your communication is the response you actually get.If thefirst thing you say is not achieving your goal,change your approach.Rememberthat mutual respect and happiness is your real goal.Do not needlessly argue.Silence is often the wisest choice.Constantly be mutually respectful.
7.Show appreciation and gratitude in as many waysas possible.Say something appreciative a few times a day.
8.Be a good listener.Understand your spouse fromhis or her point of view.
9.Be considerate of the feelings and needs of yourspouse.Think of ways that you have lacked consideration and be resolved toincrease your level of consideration.
10.Instead of blaming and complaining think ofpositive ways to motivate your spouse.If your first strategies are noteffective,think of creative ways.
11.Give up unrealistic expectations.Do not expectyour spouse to be perfect and do not make comparisons.
12.Do not cause pain with words.If your spousespeaks to you in ways that cause you pain,choose outcome wording,Lets speakto each other in ways that are mutually respectful.
13.Be willing to compromise.Be willing to dosomething you would rather not do in return for similar behavior from yourspouse.
14.Write a list of ways that you have benefitedfrom being married to your spouse.Keep adding to the list and reread itfrequently.
15.Write a list of your spouses positive patternsand qualities.Keep adding to the list and read it frequently.
16.Keep thinking about what you can do to bring outthe best qualities of your spouse.Reinforce those qualities with words andaction.
17.Focus on finding solutions to any problems thatarise.Be solution oriented.Do not just blame and complain.Do not focus onwho is more wrong.For a happy marriage,work together to find mutuallyacceptable solutions.