开头用Good moning teachers. Hello,太随便了
taking pleasure in help others.改成 I like to help others.
I like reading books,to speak and skating.改成I like reading books,speaking and skating.
后面改成I hope I can have a colourful life in middle school,pursue my studies and inprove myself, I believe if I study in your school ,I will have more confidence to study hard in a good atmosphere So I will have a bright future. 我相信如果我在你们学校读书的话,会让我在良好的氛围里更有自信的去努力学习.为此,我将有一个更光明的未来.