同学,我的建议如下：
第1句话,你用了there be后面动词come,出现语法问题即两个动词,你可以写成coming,或者干脆去掉there are.
At present , more than 1 million visitors(tourists) come to Guangzhou for travelling per year.
2句：be based on,缺少动词be
Their friendship is based on the opening communication of many years by each other .
3: change what to that
4: ok
5:去掉前面啰嗦部分：Believe it or not , we’ve already gradually express ourselves by speaking English fluently. 注意后面副词用法
6:后面 加do, 如：do more reading, do more.
7:有的时候要学会变通,前后换一下,说起来看起来更通顺：notice: should+do
I still determined to finish the work even if it'll takes me six months.
8: Traffic block appears everywhere because of heavy rain.建议与7相同
9:The govenment has to come up with a better measurement to cope with the problem resulting from high price petrol. 你有单词翻译错了
10:tomorrow on time 换一下.