Dear lady 后面的冒号去掉 商务英语写作中这种符号不允许
后面应该是Yours sincerely 不要逗号
你的内容没有条理,没有说清楚请几天假 而且语言逻辑不够紧凑 典型的中式英语
October 16th ,2010
xx street,107
Dear Madam
I am sorry to write to you to ask for two days leave.Since last week, I have caught a heavy cold,which was a ordeal for me, I have to two days off to see a doctor,and I hope that you will allow me to ask for sick leave.Thank you.
Yours Sincerely
SusaN
这是我写的 希望你可以满意