In fact , everyone has dreams as well, certainly including me.
---- In fact, everyone has dreams, I do as well.
it appeared in my mind when I saw "Shenzhou 5" fliying into the sky.
---- I have had this dream ever since I saw "Shenzhou 5" fliying into the sky.
So i must study hard in order to make my dream come true
----- So I must study hard now to make my dream come true
and i believe this dream will encourage me to overcome the difficulties
----- With this dream in mind, I will be more encouraged to overcome the coming difficulties.
文章整体不错,再修改修改,应该有希望拿到18分
希望对你有帮助,祝你在中考中有好运!