语法错误并不多,但是恕我直言,作为学校申请信来说,写得很不符合英语习惯
Could you please advise when the final decision would be made and when I would be able to get the result?
I wish that I could have my graduate study (或postgraduate stydy) in your university as I am a person who has great ambition and likes to take any challenge.I am confident that I would achieve a higher level in academic field if I would have the oppotunity to get the degree from your university.