我就直接给你改句子了,引号里面是修改后的：
a further study "about" how to success "shows" that success has "the following principal factors".
第一段主要是用词不准确,看着很别扭.
in the first place,success is the "result of " hard working "which is nessasity for someone to be successful"."it is common...删“."a"x08 growing body of evidence reveals "that" the more efforts,the more feasible to be triumphant."that is to say",success favors the "prepared and endeavouring minds".
第一段句子不够简练,并且修饰方法太直译.
secondly,success "needs" perseverance." in fact,triumph always belong to who is persevering." when" such determined person face difficulties,they grasp the nettle rather than quit the game,which leads them to the final goal."
本段你三句话全都一个意思,跟没说一样
and most of all,"confidence is an indispensable part in pursuing success"." as we all know,on the way to success there will always some obstructions.without confidence,the cruel reality and lots of accompanying emotions like anxiety,depression,etc.,would overwhelm us even force us to give up."
这段又是车轱辘转得话,写东西要有内容,修改段给了一点简单的例子解释.
"all in all","as the proverb goes":god assists those who help themselves."when we possess hard working ,perseverance and unwavering faith,success is surely not far away from us.”
原文其实也凑合,稍微改了下使得更像个结尾.
PS：想问一下童鞋你多大了?你用的词汇和你的语言能力完全不在一个水平线上啊.是老师教你写作文都要用高难词汇的么?