1.2.（As） is known to all that millions of graduates （crowded） into the job market each year.改为It和crowd
3.the situation of the emplayment has （because） very serious.改成becomed
4.But because of the financial crisis,the situation of the employment has become very
serious.（Consider）this.改成Considering
5.I （ ）in favor of this idea.加上am
6.7.the competition is not as fierce there,（but）graduates can （easy） get a job.but改成so,easy改成easily
8.Secondly,the lower position may offer（ graduate ）more space.graduates加s
9.All in all,going to the west （maybe） bring more benefits.改成may
10.for it is both good for （our） personal development and for our country at present.改成you