你是28号的吗,鼓励你看看机经,我觉得机经上的作文有练习的需要,当然不是为了考试的时候用只是我觉得上面的题目很提劲,有时候觉得很难写.其实你没发现托福的作文会很计较生活的小事吗,其实很多机经上的问题就是这样的.
我觉得你3-4分.
1.这篇作文,首先我会觉得你没跟我以前犯了一样的错,就是There is no doubt 的滥用,我的一个外国老师告诉我,这个虽然没有什么使用的要求,但是他们本地人写绝对不会单单的陈诉一个很abstract的句子,因为他们喜欢用来表示前后相反的意义,就是所there is no doubt that.however,.或者会有具体的列子摆正的时候用.你很好.
2.精神生活：不会翻译成为mental lives.也别用复数啊,cultural life 吧或者moral life
3.你的很多介词使用不太对额 例如：be aware of (not about)你再读一遍肯定很容易发现
4.你的词汇使用不是很精到,建议添加使用一些很神气的单词,不是叫你加一些很难的词汇,可以要一些,但是主要是一些很简单但是很地道的单词,或者熟词偏意.
如果我写的话,我会这样：
开头：
There is no way around the fact that.When it comes to.,however,.+further explanation.A current research reported in China Daily indicates that...So asserts a cadre of experts who have dove into relevant academic work on this issue over past 5 years.
（你不用担心开头的后面的数据举例,因为老外告诉我他们的paper都会这样提示开头,其实你可以MSN找几个老外聊,说说你的情况,你们培训业应该有老外吧,他们也很愿意做.）
In the first place,.A prime example is...+further description.The same holds true for me on the studyin daily life,such as.+further description.
Coupled with.is.With an increasing focus on the...,.is one of the most commented-on and charged theme everywhere.Fast-forward to today,and the term...yields about 20,000 results on google.Charles Lee's tome---...,which I just finished last week,sells briskly on the shelves.The author analyzes the problem that...with remarkable insight and is quick to lay out the harm ofif.
Furthermoreby the same token ,.The China Today show recently featured a 20-minute clip about.+further description.According to a recent survey conducted by NSUC,.
According to the line of thought that.it does hold water that.,.can generate a lot more good under current circumstance,though.With due regard given to all the facets of the question,we can draw a evident conclusion:.
这是我自己写的模版,反正我考完了,给你吧.
有些过于细节话题要变一下,有时候不能用但是我到现在只有一个话题没用到这个模版.应为那个话题实在变态.