首先,spend 一般有两种用法,一种是spend (in) doing sth,另一种是spend on (doing) sth.
关于I spent so much time hating him 这儿的hating现在分词是由于spend (in)doing sth句式的缘故,hating 可以看成是spend (in) 后面的宾语,即介词in的宾语.
I have spent so much time to hate him这句话不对,spend一般不会说spend to do sth,习惯说spend doing sth,即I have spent time hating him.可以换成一般现在时来描述.
大概就这样,希望可以帮到你!