我来吧,哥就教这个.
词句：
1.Economic改成economy
2.No one can promise that they will never get ill since they live healthy
since改成as long as
3.many other infections which could not overcome by healthy lifestyle
could not be overcome by..
4.there will be more people suffer it or even die.
中国考生典型的错误.
there be do 这个是大忌
suffer改成suffering
5.by taking benefits from their own knowledge
这个不通
6.take a treatment by themselves,especially for serious ill
这句话也不通
文章整体还行,观点很明确,在第一段提出,中间两段进一步解释.
考官不会看的这么细的,像模像样就会给你个7分.
你的重点也很突出就是政府光把钱投在促进健康的生活方式上是远远不够的,在治疗病人方面也的花钱,这是你论点的倾向性,你也花了很多笔墨.这个是绝对有必要的.
感觉你像上过培训课的.
考试的时候就这么写是可以了,注意一些低级的语法错误,可以拿到更高的分数.