Hello.My name is Wu Yifei.I'm 13 years old.I study in
No.50 Middle School.I'm in Class 8 ,Grade 7.I love English very much.I can read English books.I can speak Chinese,English and a little Japanese.I can play the guitar.I like chocolate best but I don’t like vegetables.I often do my homework and get information on the computer.I am good at computer.I think computer is good for us(你擅长computer跟你认为计算机是否对大家有帮助没有关系哦,所以不要用so,将good for改称helpful for us更合适).That is all.Thank you very much.
对第一段点评：LZ中心思想不够明确,这篇lecture想要表达什么意思呢?一会写英语,一会写吉他,一会巧克力,一会蔬菜,一会又到计算机.不太明白LZ想要通过这个lecture表达什么意思?说明自己的爱好吗?如果是,最好分类爱好,因为这几个爱好完全没有关系.所以希望LZ针对一个爱好,比如computer,重点说明你对计算机改变人类生活的看法.
第二段话.
My oration（lecture） is Computer helps us.
Computer is our assistant.We can get information on it.If I have some problems then(去掉then) I often (often去掉,改成will)use the computer to help me solve the problems.I often (often去掉,改成will)do some homework on the computer if it is difficult.I always play computer games twice a week.I usually read news on the computer.I think it is good for me and it is cheaper than newspapers.On the computer,I can download music,visit websites,send emails and so on.So I think computer can help us.
这段没什么大的错误,但主要和上一段一样,不要一直是一个句型,i...it..we..全部是代词+动词+名词,没有被动,没有倒装,缺少必要的连接词,看起来很卡瓦伊的英语哦.努力哦!