第一句:把you know 删掉,读起来太别扭,一看就知道不是纯种的英语,然后把之后的那个so 去掉, 将其之前的句号变成逗号.整个句子就是As Shanghai hosts the 2010 World Expo, I went to Shanghai with my former classmates during the summer holidays.
第三行有语法错误：应该是we arrived,lived
The school is very large and there are many imposing [im'pəuziŋ] buildings.不知道你在讲什么.
In the wonderful place,there were several black swans,which surprised us a lot.把the 换成this
What attracted me was a robert.你是想说机器人吗?应该是robot
The visit was not a bit meaningful,but made me not a little tired.那个a bit 和not a little tired 用在这里很怪（我只语法）
There are many delicious western food in Shanghai.We tried starbucks.这句话语有逻辑问题.你是在说只有上海有starbucks 吗?而且starbucks 是麦咖啡的啊,可以说说其他西方的食物.要不然酒吧之前那句here are many delicious western food in Shanghai改了.
It’s a little expensive.在little之前加个 bit