I'll never forget the story ∧happened on a bus the other
1. 正确.
day. It was a windy day. I got on a bus after school. A
2. 第一句中已经提到 bus. 此处转为特指, a bus 应该改为 the bus.
young lady was standing next to me. In a flash, the strong
3. strong wind 是第一次提到,属于泛指,改为 a strong wind.
wind blew inside the windows. The lady's false hair has
4. 文章开头已经把故事定格于过去,另外假发是被风吹掉的,has 应该改为过去时的被动语态 was.
blown away. To our surprises, she was hairless. While she was
5. surprises 改为 surprise；to one's surprise 意思是“使...感到震惊”,surprise 是抽象名词,不可数.
wondering what to do, when many passengers laughed loudly.
6. While 和 when 都引导时间状语从句,因此这里没有主句,把第二个when 删除掉.
She managed to hold back her tears. Saw this, I
7. Saw this 改为 现在分词 seeing this, 用作时间状语,等于 When I saw this.
picked up his false hair and said, "Don't be sad, Miss. I'm
8. lady 是女性,把 his 改为 her.
sure your hair will grow again." When I glanced to the
9. glance 后只能用介词 at,表示“扫视”,把 to 改为 at.
other passengers, they all quick bent their heads with shame.
10. quick 是形容词,改为副词 quickly 修饰动词 bent.